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aberrrrant
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Name: aberrrrant
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Member Since: 12/29/2009

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young and unjustifiably cynical
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i'm okay with being unimpressive. i sleep better.
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i quote you to death
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Quotes and Photography that you'll love.
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I just quoted all over myself.
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i'm succeeding to speak like i'm fucking mad.
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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Officejet

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When I stop 3 - 2 - 1 self-destructing, being good then throwing up at two am until my jaw feels like puddy, when I stop caring about you, looking at things I shouldn't be looking at, listening to songs I shouldn't be listening to, that's when I'll be free. I keep reminding myself of this every time I type in your name, pull up your song, or shove cereal down my throat.

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I guess everyone needs a trigger, I just kept pulling mine at the wrong times

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I feel myself sliding into it again, slipping into the cliched cliches of slow, numb sadness. The emptiness in my stomach, the density of my mind. It's too familiar. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I don't want to leave everyone again. I hate this.

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Periods in my life marked by stagnancy; I do nothing, feel nothing, go nowhere, arrive nowhere. Points of standstills and numb, blind reaches toward ocean I know are not there. Diving into pools of dust, swimming through stale air.

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You can kiss her, it's fine. Smoke, do whatever you want. It was my fault. I wasn't smiley, was I? I made you sad. I make everyone sad. My mother says I need prozac. I heartily agree. She says I'm always depressed. I heartily agree. If I can't make myself happy, how was I supposed to do anything better for you?


Friday, April 23, 2010

Currently
Melodies Melodies
By Daishi Dance
P.I.A.N.O. (S.T.R.I.N.G.S. Edit)
see related

6 scars on a hip

Do you sleep with socks on or off?
I sleep with my socks off

Do you flip your pillow to the cold side?
When I remember, I always do

Do you like to hold or be held?
Neither to be honest.

Do you want a small or big wedding?
I want a smallish wedding... smallish? I don't know.

What type of girls/guys do you usually go for?
I am immediately attracted to the dark mysterious guys.

Would you rather be rich and unhappy or poor and happy?
Well, I think being rich would make me quite happy, so this is quite ironic.

Are you trusting of new people?
Well, it depends since the context of this question is confusing. I don't necessarily trust "old" or "new" people. I trust strangers because they don't know your weaknesses and can't use anything against you.

If your dream was to be a model and a big opportunity came up but you had to be nude, would you do it?
No I would not.

What is the most money you would spend on a pair of shoes?
It depends, but I would start to feel guilty around the $70's and up.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Gray maybe.

Do you have more friends or more acquaintances?
Acquaintances.

If you could win a couple front row tickets to a game, any sport any team?
I would sell them on Ebay

Would you rather help someone out or be helped out?
Despite my very inhumane thinking, I like to help out people. I hate being helped out, and I try my best to do everything on my own if I can.

If you found out you couldn't have kids, would you adopt?
I don't know, that would take a lot more thinking to answer.

Where are you?
I am in my house.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
My mom.

When was the last time you cried?
Monday...

Ever thrown up in public?
I think too many times.

What is on your mind RIGHT NOW?
I'm trying to count how many times I threw up in public... and I am also thinking of him.

Would you take a bullet for anyone?
I guess.

Where would you like to live?
I would like to live in a small European town far far far away from my family.

What kind of house would you like?
I'm not too picky, as long as it's just right.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be a grown up

Who was the last person that left you a comment?
I deactivated my FB account in hopes of studying more for my ap bio exam, so I honestly don't recall, or care for that matter.

How often do you log in to myspace?
Wow... I deleted mine in 2007 but I remember I used to be on that like flies on shit! Such a lowlife.

Do you like candy necklaces?
No

When was the last time you fell or ran into something?
I always run into things, today I almost fell head first to a radiator because my legs were about to give out completely.

What was the last thing you drank?
Water.

Who do you miss?
I miss someone.

What are you doing this weekend?
Probably reminding myself how much I hate my family, and how no matter how much I try I will never ever be able to escape them. I will also be counting my calories and running 10+ miles at the gym just so I can feel like I am not going to burst. I am going to be thankful I'm not stuck in Canada like I was last weekend, and I will be looking forward to these shmekis leaving on Monday. I will also be excited/nervous for my grandpa who will be arriving that same day. And last but not least I will think about him, think about him, think about him.

Whats your favorite kind of soda?
I usually like Ginger Ale, but I have cut out soda completely from my diet.

Last kiss?
I don't recall.

Last hug?
Today.

How many times have you eaten sushi?
I have ate several times, but I don't know... it's not too filling so I try to stay away from it.

What do you want to do right now?
I want to leave

Are you listening to music right now?
Yes. I am listening to P.I.A.N.O by Daishi Dance. It reminds me of calm waters and Asian night lights. Can't get better than that.

When were you the saddest in your whole life?
Probably last year, and it wasn't a sympathetic sad. It was more of an agonizing sad that I wasted too much time on. As of now I am sad but I can't classify it just yet.

What time is it now?
9:48 pm

What song makes you cry?
No songs really make me cry... it's how I'm feeling when I'm listening to it that initiates it.

What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?
I like to listen to the stuff I have on my favorites folder... ranges from Lily Allen to Quantic, melodies and ambient beats...

What makes you happy?
I don't know.

What are you wearing?
A denim shirt, and denim jeans. Very hick, no?

What taste is in your mouth?
Nothing right now, but I ate an apple earlier.

Do you have a bad habit?
Everyone does... or at least that is what I tell myself to justify why I have bad habits...


Saturday, April 10, 2010

So many views but nothing to say, eh

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How do you put in words the essence of one's being? How do you write down what would really tell the person reading it who or what you are? I could ramble on in more pathetic poetic nonsense or quote some lyric that i would hope fit the bill but it wouldn't accomplish anything. I am everything and nothing, just depends on who you talk with. If you are so damn interested come find out for yourself.

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Sometimes people go into the water without a face.
Such strange dreams have I
Where angels dance, demons fly
And the light of night switches day
Inbetween, I seem to stay

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Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

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Believe in whatever. Just say you love me and keep me sane. Say what you like, just don’t say you don’t like me. Play by the rules and keep me warm.
I just want you.
No strings attached.

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I was more addicted to self destruction than to the drugs themselves there was something very romantic about it

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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Currently
Strobelite Seduction
By Kaskade
Move for Me
see related

Dystopia

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It's late in the night, dancing is done
The music has died, you're ready to run
But you don't have a clue, this party hasn't ended yet
Not for me and you, now you're just pretending

Eva1

Nobody wants to be alone
The heart beats happy when it has a place
And if it doesn't have a home
It can come into my space

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I know you don't think of me, and you certainly would never picture us together.. but probably peanut butter was just peanut butter before someone ever thought of pairing it up with jelly. And there was salt, but it started to taste better when there was pepper. And what's the point of butter without bread? Anyway, by myself I'm nothing special. But with you, I think I could be.

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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Currently
The 5th Exotic
By Quantic
Time Is The New Enemy
see related

I'm such an ugly ugly girl.

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You're vicious like the blue sky, right before the rain comes pouring through. Tell me, does she look like me at all? They're all an awful lot like you.

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I have been waiting for July to come around. I hear the summer whispering the things to come. We have been waiting for the sun to show it's face. Thank you sweet winter, but now we're desperate to move on. Go beyond the worst we've known and build ourselves a brand new home. Maybe then we'll find the time we've lost. Set us free sweet summer day, we've been waiting much too long for you to come. Save me from the worst I've known and let me relive the days I've blown away. Time has changed so quickly. It's a shame we have lost so many things that we will never find again. But it doesn't matter anymore anyways

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And I find it kind of funny. I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

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There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him.  I say, stay in there, I'm not going to let anyone see you.  There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke and the whores and bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he's in there.

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Do not carve on stone or wood,
"He was honest" or "He was good."
Write in smoke on a passing breeze
Seven words… and the words are these,
Telling all that a volume could,
"He lived, he laughed and… he understood."

 

 



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